BICA Writing Club 기말 우수 에세이 2 탄 Daniel 희상 Park(6th)영어 글쓰기 Writing 2021. 3. 15. 12:20
BICA Writing Club 기말 우수 에세이 2 탄 Daniel 희상 Park(6th)
2021년 봄학기 BICA Writing Club (www.bica-tx.org/sat-school) 9주 수업을 마치면서, 기말 에세이 시험을 치뤘습니다. 그 가운데 가장 높은 점수를 받은 몇몇 학생의 글을 공개합니다. 평가 Rubric은 총 5개 영역이며 (Focus, Contents, Style, Organization, and Conventions) 모든 영역에서 높은 점수를 받았습니다. 참고할 만한 샘플이 되길 바랍니다. 주제는 "나에게 영향을 준 교사"입니다.
By Daniel Park
How can a teacher be so important? Teachers are the foundation of our education. Everyone has had a favorite teacher in their lifetime. It could be the geography teacher, ELA teacher, or science teacher. Teachers make an impact on students’ lives. My favorite teacher is named Mrs. Smith. She was my 3rd to 5th grade math teacher. I really liked her as a teacher because (1)she was very positive everyday no matter what happened, helpful, because she taught us all mathematics and helped us when we were confused, and (3)she was a very fun teacher because she made learning math easy and enjoyable. These are the personalities of my 3rd to 5th grade math teacher that shines. Mrs. Smith always listened to us and paid attention to each and every one of us. The more I went to her classes, the more I wanted to go do math.
Mrs. Smith was basically the definition of positive for me. Even if her day was going horrible, she would still be in a good mood for us. If we were having a bad day, she would cheer us all up. Mrs. Smith was a very energetic teacher in general. She was very close to each and every one of us and was really kind to everyone no matter what. When we were doing work in class, Mrs. Smith would turn on relaxing music to help us focus. She’s been using the same music for 3 years and in my opinion, it’s very calming. The positivity Mrs. Smith has, made us feel happy, and comfortable at school. This is one great trait she has that makes me like her as my teacher.
Another reason why she is my favorite teacher is during class, when I’m having some trouble understanding the unit, Mrs. Smith is there for me. She teaches all her students at their preferred pace, never leaving anyone behind. She explains every detail slowly and carefully so we understand. Mrs. Smith knows every one of us well, so she knows how to teach us well. This was very helpful to Mrs. Smith, and us in order for us to learn.
The last reason for why Mrs. Smith is a great teacher is that she is fun! She makes everything in math fun to learn and exciting. In 3rd grade, we used to do scavenger hunts around the classroom to find the answers to our math problems. From time to time, Mrs. Smith would bake things for us such as brownies, and cupcakes, and on birthdays, she would do the same thing. Mrs. Smith tries her best to make math fun and easy to learn. My love for math has grown this way!
Mrs. Smith is a positive, helpful, and entertaining teacher. I was with her for 3 years and loved her as a teacher. Whenever I went to her class, I was eager to see what we would do. Ever since I got to middle school I missed Mrs. Smith and her math lessons. She has been my math teacher for 3 years and it was really nice to have her teach me for that long. In my opinion, the teacher’s purpose is to not only their students, but to make them feel safe at school and develop a friendly relationship with them.
Copyright@2021 By Daniel Park
Do not copy, duplicate or reproduce this material in any way without the author’s consent.
Advanced: Consistently establishes and maintains a clear purpose and point of view. The writing is clear and completely answers all parts of the prompt. : 주제를 온전히 이해하고 있으며 글의 목적이 분명하고, 관점도 일관적이다.
Advanced: Thorough development of ideas and details that are related to the topic. Each point of T.S. has sufficient supporting details. 주제에 맞는 구체적인 아이디어와 뒷받침하는 예시들이 풍성하다. 본문의 각 단락들의 주제들이 주제문( Thesis Statement)의 포인트들과 부합한다.
Advanced: Highly effective introduction with an interesting hook, connecting between the hook and T.S. & 3-point thesis statement (T.S.)3 body paragraphs related to T.S. Logical and appropriate transitions to connect ideas and paragraphs. A comprehensive conclusion that powerfully summarizes the main points. (restatement of T.S.) 손색없는 서론 (흥미로운 도입, 주제문과 도입을 잇는 배경 혹은 연결 문장, 3포인트가 있는 주제문)을 갖추었고, 3개의 본론 문단 하나 하나가 주제문의 3포인트에 대해서 기술하고 있으며, 논리적인 흐름과 더불어 연결어(transitions)를 효과적으로 사용하고 있다. 결론에서 종합적인 맺음을 내리면서 논지를 다시한번 효과적으로 환기시키고 있다.
Advanced: Highly effective sentence variety: the beginnings of sentences are varied and sentences vary in structure. Precise, illustrative vivid word choice (e.i., good-->beneficial, get there-->arrived, house-->cottage) Consistent writer’s voice and tone to appropriate audience. 다양한 문장의 구조를 구사할줄 알고, 문장의 시작 부분도 다채롭다. 분명하고 정확하 용어를 구사하고 모호한 표현이 없다. 자신의 독자를 파악하고 있기에 글쓰는이의 글의 톤이나 목소리가 독자에게 알맞고 적절하다.
Advanced: No errors in grammar usage. This includes subject-verb agreement, pronoun-antecedent agreement and consistent verb tense 문법적 오류가 없으며 주어동사, 대명사 사용, 시제 사용도 훌륭하다.
부모님 위한 한국어 평가문:
1. 구조: Hook이 훌륭하며 그것과 Thesis Statement를 잇는 커넥션도 부족함이 없습니다. Thesis statement 자체도 손색이 없습니다. 다만 그 위치가 전통적으로 Introduction 맨 끝에 자리잡게 합니다면 반드시 그래야 하는 것은 아닙니다. Thesis statment의 각 포인트가 바디 패러그래프로 디벨럽되어 있습니다. Topic Sentence와 Closing Sentence 모두 갖추어져 있습니다.
2. Focus: 많은 학생들이 교사에 대한 묘사에 그쳤는데, 다니엘은 그 교사가 나에게 어떤 영향을 주었는지에 대해서 쓰는 것임을 잘 알고 있습니다.
3. contents: 모든 body paragraphs의 충분한 예시는 아주 훌륭합니다.
4. 비문 (incomplete sentence)이 하나도 없고 철자 오류가 없습니다.
5. 이번학기에서 다니엘군이 작성한 것 중에 가장 완성도 있는 에세이입니다. 6. 성실하게 9주동안 8회의 숙제를 늦지 않게 제출하였습니다. 너무나 훌륭합니다.
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