BICA Writing Club 기말 우수 에세이 3탄 Brian Kim (7th)

2021년 봄학기 BICA Writing Club (www.bica-tx.org/sat-school) 9주 수업을 마치면서, 기말 에세이 시험을 치뤘습니다. 그 가운데 가장 높은 점수를 받은  몇몇 학생의 글을 공개합니다. 평가 Rubric은 총 5개 영역이며 (Focus, Contents, Style, Organization, and Conventions) 모든 영역에서 높은 점수를 받았습니다.  참고할 만한 샘플이 되길 바랍니다. 주제는 "나에게 영향을 준 교사"입니다.

 

 

An Impactful Teacher

By: Hwanhee Kim

A significant person that influenced my life is my 1st grade teacher Mrs. Amiri because she helped me realize some important skills in life. She taught me how to do some specific stuff that’s very important to school and life in general. She made an impact on my life, and I am very grateful for her teaching me what she did. Some qualities and characteristics that make her an impactful, good teacher are, she has good traits such as being encouraging, being able to know when a student is struggling without them telling her, and lastly being friendly to new students and helping them get familiar with a new school.

 

Firstly, Mrs. Amiri is very encouraging, and that is a positive trait because if a student is struggling, they might need some encouragement to get them moving and get motivated to do things. This also relates to how she always has a positive attitude and believes that we can do anything we set our minds to. She helped us (who are us?)very much with assignments that we were struggling with, and encouraged us to work harder to get better grades. Her positive attitude compliments encouragement, as when you have a positive attitude and you encourage someone, your positivity strengthens your encouragement and makes the effect of your encouragement greater. For example, when I had trouble with an assignment, she encouraged me and I was able to get motivated and continue working on my assignment. Also, another strength of her as a teacher is that she’s able to know when a student is struggling.

 

Secondly, she can tell when a student is struggling. This is useful because she knows when she needs to help students, and as a teacher, she should know how to help students. Knowing when her students need help is important in order for her to help their students correctly. Also, because she is very experienced with teaching, her help is very effective. Also because of her experience, she is able to know exactly when and how to help her students. For example, once I was again, trying to finish an assignment I didn’t really know what to do. She noticed I was struggling without me telling her, and came over and helped me once again.

 

Lastly, Mrs. Amiri is very welcoming to new students. When I was a new student with no friends in Austin or any people we know, she welcomed me a lot and helped me get used to the school. She also helped me meet my peers and the school staff. Eventually, with her help, I was able to make many friends to talk with and play with. I’ve also seen other new students helped by Mrs. Amiri. They also got to meet all their peers, make friends, and get familiar with the school. It also shows that she’s experienced and good at introducing new students. She made a huge impact on me with this because previously, I had very few friends who I knew because of my mom. Because of Mrs. Amiri, I have better social skills and know how to make friends on my own.

 

In conclusion, Mrs. Amiri has made a big impact on my life, and is a good teacher as well. She is probably my most important teacher, and she has made a big impact on my life. Many things I learned come from what she taught me, and a lot of what I do today I learned to do from her. Without her teaching me, I would not have known some skills that are basically required to use in middle school or just school in general. She taught me very well, and helped me to get through 1st grade. She also helped me make friends and generally was a great teacher. Three reasons why she was a great teacher is because she was encouraging, knowing when students are struggling, and being friendly to new students. I hope I meet another teacher like her again, and I wish her the best in all of her future experiences.

 

Copyright@2021 By Brian Kim

Do not copy, duplicate or reproduce this material in any way without the author’s consent.

 

교사평가

Focus: Advanced: Consistently establishes and maintains a clear purpose and point of view. The writing is clear and completely answers all parts of the prompt. :

Content: Proficient : Substantial development of ideas and details that are related to the topic. Each point of T.S. has supporting details.

Organization: Proficient : Effective introduction with 3-point thesis statement (T.S.) 3 body paragraphs related to T.S. logical Transitions to connect ideas and paragraphs. A comprehensive conclusion summarizes the main points. (restatement of T.S.)

 

Style: Advanced: Highly effective sentence variety: the beginnings of sentences are varied and sentences vary in structure. Precise, illustrative vivid word choice (e.i., good-->beneficial, get there-->arrived, house-->cottage) Consistent writer’s voice and tone to appropriate audience.

Conventions: Advanced: No errors in grammar usage. This includes subject-verb agreement, pronoun-antecedent agreement and consistent verb tense

 

부모님 위한 한국어 평가문

 

1. Focus: 많은 학생들이 Prompt를 유심히 읽지 않으면, 좋은 교사를 묘사하는 데에서 그칩니다. 그러나 브라이언은, 그 교사가 나에게 어떤 영향을 주었는지에 대해서 쓰는 것임을 잘 알고 있습니다.

2. contents: 첫번째 두번째 바디 패러그래프의 예시가 비슷해서 3점을 받았지만, 세번째 바디의 충분한 예시는 아주 훌륭합니다.

3. 구조는 대부분 훌륭했습니다. Thesis Statement를 왜 쓰고 어떻게 쓰는지 어디에 쓰는지에 대한 개념이 충분히 자리잡았습니다. (하산해도 됩니다) 다만 Closing Sentence가 빠진 문단이 하나 있어서 3점을 주긴했지만 정확히는 3.95점을 받아도 됩니다.

4. 비문 (incomplete sentence)이 하나도 없고 스팰링도 완벽합니다. 지난 3년 동안 환희 군이 작성한 최고의 에세이입니다. 이런 포텐셜이 있는 학생인것을 다시 한번 확인해서 너무 기쁩니다.

5. 성실하게 9주를 채운것이 너무나 훌륭합니다.

6. 환희군이 수업시간 중 저에게 이렇게 말해주었습니다. "I learned about how to make a better hook. Writing closing sentences is getting better. "